Written by the writing team Cara Mackler
I'm sure you've heard this saying before: communication is key🔑to any relationship. It sounds cliche, but it's true. I think it's very easy to tell people that communication is important in a healthy relationship, but it's not so easy to explain how to communicate. And if we are never taught to use that key, we can never open the door to healthy communication.
Communication is defined as many things, but my favorite definition involves "the successful transmission or exchange of ideas and feelings." I always say that I'm a great conversationalist, but I also need to be a great listener to be a great communicator.Communication is about expressing yourself in a healthy way., listen to your partner when they are doing the same and really listen and absorb what the other person has to say.
Below are 5 tips for better communication in your relationship:
1. Ask open-ended questions
Communication isn't just talking about each other's days and saying what you had for lunch. It's about being able to dig deep and get to know that person as best you can. Digging in isn't always easy, especially for those who have never felt comfortable talking about their feelings. And not every conversation needs to be heart-to-heart.
There are ways to do this withoutpressyou are very. reveal your deepest secrets. for example meInstead of asking yes or no questions like "Did you have a good day?" try asking more open-ended questions like: B. "How was your day?" Yes, they can respond with a short answer ("great", "great", "so-so"), but asking open-ended questions gives them the opportunity to share more if they want to. Keep in mind that not everyone opens up easily. Be patient with your partner if you aren't sharing all the time.We set boundaries for our emotions, and everyone's boundaries are different.🇧🇷 So be aware of and respect their emotional boundaries, and they should also be aware of and respect yours.
After all, the more you learn about your S.O. on a deeper, more open and honest level you can be with each other. And honesty breeds trust, that istwo very important pillars of a healthy relationship(Hint: communication is another super important pillar!).
2. Pick up non-verbal cues
If your partner says, "My day was good," but your tone sounds annoyed, upset, or angry, maybe there's something else they're feeling, but they're just not ready to communicate. Communication is not just about the words we say, but also how we say them. Our tone and attitude say much more than the words that come out of our mouths. And, frankly, picking up on those nonverbal cues is a skill. Notice your partner's facial expressions, their hands (are they shaking/fidgeting?), their body language (are they making eye contact? Are they crossing their arms?) and their tone of voice.
3. Don't try to read their minds.
Sometimes you can just see what someone is feeling. It's not always easy to do, and let's be honest: as much as we want to be mind readers, we aren't and shouldn't be. So if you're not sure how your partner is feeling, ask them.
If you're the one who puts up with this and expects your partner to read your mind, take a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is going out of their way to ask what's going on, instead of fixing the issue to ignore it. Do your best to let them know how you're feeling when you're ready to talk about it. It's not healthy to say you're fine when you're not and then get mad at your partner for not noticing. To the best of your ability, be honest about how you feel and try to express it in a healthy way before it gets to the point where you freak out and someone says something you regret. being direct is alwaysbetter than being passive aggressive.
If your partner is passive-aggressive, try letting him know that he's not really helping either of you unless he's honest about how he feels. Sure, it's amazing when we know each other so well that we can practically read each other's minds and know exactly what to say at the right moment, but we're human and sometimes we can make mistakes or miss clues that seem obvious to us. our partner or vice versa. It is important that the two of you strive to understand each other better and also be patient with each other.
4. Conversations are not a one-way street
When communicating with your partner, pay attention to how often you say "I", "you" or "we". If the conversation is mostly about you, it's not really a conversation. Remember to bring it to your S.O. Returns. and ask questions about how they're feeling, what their thoughts are, and what's going on with them. If you find yourself saying "you" a lot, what's the context?Do you point fingers and blame??
Relationships are also about peopleEveryone must have an equal word🇧🇷 Both people need to feel heard and able to share their opinions. If you feel like your partner is ahead of the conversation and you can't speak up, it's important to let them know. They may not realize that they are dominating the conversation. Conversations are like a tennis match; it should flow back and forth naturally for each person.
5. Take time to talk
My partner and I recently moved in together, and just about everyone has warned us that it's a make-or-nothing situation for couples. We were nervous but both had a snotty "we did it" attitude. We've always been great at communicating openly and honestly with each other. We had no idea how living together would change the way we communicate, but it sure has.
We fought constantly the first three weeks together. We got so upset about the argument (and not what we were actually arguing about) that we ended up arguing about the fact that we were arguing! Already have a headache? Yeah, we had one for about three weeks. Since we are not the couple, we finally sat down and talked about it.
We had to learn a whole new way of being together now that we're sharing the same space. We talked about the things that matter (how we spend our money) and the things that don't (who takes out the trash). Talking about these things was crucial because we would never know what was really important to the other person if we hadn't sat down to talk about it.
Ultimately, we learned that our arguments weren't about the real things we were fighting about, but rather about not feeling heard or valued. From that day forward, we decided to hold what we call "Bae Sesh", a weekly "meeting" where we set aside an hour to voice our opinions in a non-judgmental space. It makes us feel heard and respected.
Obviously, our one-hour "Bae Sesh" doesn't work for everyone, but it definitely works for us. Thanks to our Bae sessions, we managed to avoid major conflicts, actively listen to each other, unite and feel closer. We can talk every day, but since we're so busy with work and life, it's good to make time for something deeper.
6. Tell them what you need from them.
Sometimes I just want to vent and feel validated by my partner's support, saying, "Yeah, that really sucks, sorry!" Sometimes I want advice. As I said before, none of us are mind readers, so it's important that you try to keep your partner in the loop so that you're on the same page. If you say something like "I need to vent right now and I'm not looking for advice, just your support" or "I really need your advice in this situation", she will know exactly what you need right now. Time.
Saying what you need directly can also alleviate some misunderstandings or stress in a given situation. By informing them in advance, we can avoid unnecessary misunderstandings caused by miscommunication.
Communication is a skill
Ultimately, communication is a skill, which means there's always room for improvement. Work with your partner to figure out how to maintain healthy communication and stay on the same page. Be as honest, direct, kind and considerate as possible. Whether it's with a bae sesh or just making a bigger effort to open up.
But relationships can be complicatedRelationship advice doesn't have to be🇧🇷 Learn about healthy relationships andmake the pledge #LoveBetter.
What are the five 5 communication strategies that can help keep relationships satisfying? ›
- Differentiate Reactions from Responses. ...
- Engage Your Curiosity. ...
- Link a Complaint with a Request for Change. ...
- Ask for a Do-Over. ...
- Make Your Challenging Conversation an Investment in Your Relationship.
Open communication, loyalty, kindness, compassion, trust, emotional vulnerability, and willingness to forgive are some of the most important things that keep a relationship afloat.What are 3 steps to a loving communication? ›
- Recognize How You Can Improve.
- Unlearn Negative Behaviors.
- Develop Good Communication Skills.
No matter what your size, keeping these 5 P's in mind when communicating change will help, especially when scale is adding to the stress: Plan, Produce, Publish, Promote, Practice.What are the 5 S's of communication? ›
Like Lean, effective communication is about the how; it is about how communication takes place. With that in mind, here are the suggested 5S of communication: Size Up, Seek, Simulate, Stabilize and Sustain.