What to do when you bought a new home and hate it? (2023)

Eleanor writes on a wide range of topics, including parenting, single parenting, party and activity ideas, work and personal life.

Are you dissatisfied with your new home?

Did you buy a new house and quickly realize it was all a terrible mistake? Would you go so far as to say you hate him? Perhaps you wish you had stayed?

So you probably have a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, especially when you consider that, for most of us, real estate is probably the biggest purchase we'll ever make. You might even feel guilty about feeling this way, especially if other family members are excited about the change.

I hated our new house

Looking back at my own move a few years ago, it definitely wasn't what I expected. With two kids, we had outgrown our tiny starter home and had been looking for an upgrade for some time. We had found a property for the right price and with a lot of potential, or so we thought.

On moving day I felt a certain sadness. Perhaps that was to be expected, given that we were leaving a home I had loved over the years. He was emotionally attached to her, even though he no longer offered her a practical living space. But I also felt emotion; Our new property had so much potential. The kids would have more space to play outside, and the living room was more spacious than we were used to. I spent the weeks leading up to the move imagining our family in the new property and everything looked positive.

I expected to fall in love with him, but I didn't.

Moving is messy and stressful; Is supposed. But to my horror, instead of falling in love with our new home and accepting the change, I felt a twinge of dread in my stomach. I didn't love anything. I didn't like waking up the next day, the next day, the next day. I actually wish we could have stayed where we were (although it was really cramped). Instead of seeing the positives, I saw everything I couldNoWhich. Even when I left, I didn't like the street I was on. I didn't like walking to the local store; I felt like I had lost the sense of community I had before.

I also felt really guilty because the rest of the family was happy and they could tell I wasn't in love at all. Maybe it didn't help that the house's aesthetics were bad and it was freezing cold, it was a shared room, and it had been empty for five months, but it wasn't something that couldn't be fixed with time. When we bought our last house, there were a lot of things to improve, but I remember accepting the challenge. It was different this time.

Steps to Take If You Hate Your New Home

So if you are in a similar situation, what canIs it over thereagain?

1. give it time
2. Try to see the positives
3. Try not to look at your old house with clouded vision.
4. Be patient when meeting your new neighbors
5. make changes

1. Give it time

There is a lot of truth in believing that time makes things better. Think long term: your home is very new to you and your perception may change.

Don't deny your feelings. Accept that you may still be emotionally attached to your old home, but that those emotions will likely subside over time as your new home becomes a true family home. A home can be almost like meeting a potential new friend: at first you are awkward, maybe even indifferent, but eventually you become so close that you can't imagine not being in each other's lives. (That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point.)

It's important that you take the time to get used to your new home before you decide you hate it. As human beings, we are often sentimental and prefer familiarity to big changes. But the longer you live in your new home, the more likely you are to start to love it instead of wishing you'd never moved in.

bottom line:Just try to go with the flow and don't rush your judgment.

2. Try to see the positives

In any situation, it is almost always better to focus on the positive. Instead of thinking about how much you don't like your new home, try to remember why you bought it. As mentioned, buying a property is often a knee-jerk process - we have our 'must-have' list (although there is usually some compromise as most homes don't offer everything we want), but we're still looking for one. certain feeling.

The good sides of our house.

We chose our current home based on a few points:

• Larger and flatter garden; good for kids to play football etc. (The old one wasn't big enough to carry a cat.)
• Ample living space downstairs.
• Entrance to park the car (before we had to park on the street).
• Gorgeous stained glass door (not essential but fell in love with it).
• It depends on assignments, so don't neglect it.

The bad sides of our house

But all was not well in the house. The negatives were:

• The master bedroom was smaller than the previous one; In fact, the three bedrooms weren't as big as the other houses.
• It was a longer walk from town (twice as much) so less convenient.
• The aesthetics were bad.
• Upstairs rooms had mildew.

Remember to consider the home's potential

As you can see, we bought the house, but it wasn't perfect. We chose it based on past benefits and a "feel" that there was a lot of potential. Potential is important because it allows you to imagine what the house will look like one day.

However, after the move, I lost sight of any potential and instead focused on the cozy little house we had left, made "all ours". But the plan backfired because it no longer met our requirements. Also, someone else lived there.

bottom line:If you hold on to the good points of your new home, you are more likely to fall in love with it over time. Just try to focus on the reasons why you bought it; after all, they still apply.

3. Try not to look back at your old home with clouded eyes.

As mentioned above, once you've decided to move, remember why. These reasons are important because your former home and/or situation probably hasn't changed.

If you had no choice when you moved

If you didn't have a choice, accept it and look to the future. There's no point looking back: all you can do is focus your energies on transforming your current home into the ideal living environment.Is it over there🇧🇷 It's amazing how much you can change the feel of your home just by changing a few spots and decorating or laying different floors.

If you moved because of problems with the old house

The main reason we moved was that our house was too small. One of our children didn't have a bedroom and on weekends we literally all slept on top of each other, which was irritating. The problem was, when we moved, I conveniently forgot about this anger because I had my rose-colored glasses on. As is often the case when we look back with nostalgia, I focused only on the good points of our former property.

If you moved due to a change in relationships

Another reason for moving can be a failed relationship. Often, the old house has to be sold and the proceeds are split in half. But here, too, it is pointless to look back: it is better to look to the future. Creating a new home and filling it with positive energy while moving away from any bad feelings that may still be present in your old home can be very therapeutic.

bottom line:Remember, whatever made you take the plunge is still standing. If you could go back to your old home, the same problems would still be there. Every new home you buy doesn't have to be permanent, but regression is almost never the answer.

4. Be patient when meeting your new neighbors

While many communities' sense of neighborhood is fading as busy people become separated, neighbors still matter because they can affect how you feel about your home, for better or for worse.

Those of us who are lucky enough to have friendly relations with our neighbors are likely to feel happier around us than those who experience hostility or indifference. If we like the first ones, when we move house we can mourn the loss of those neighbors. Perhaps we knew we could count on them in times of need, or perhaps we enjoyed a friendly conversation. Maybe we even missed their simple greeting when leaving the house in the morning, or maybe they were just good friends to hang out with.

It may seem like your new street isn't all that friendly, but it's important to remember that new neighbors can be friends you haven't met yet.

It takes time to build relationships and friendships.

When we moved, I really missed my neighbors. Although we weren't close friends, we had developed something of a relationship. Our youngest son used to play with his and we had interconnecting gardens that we sometimes shared. We also got along well with our neighbors across the street and the lady across the street brought me a beautiful parting gift as a thank you for modeling my son for the children's hats she made. In addition, there were at least three other neighbors that we spoke with when we first met. As we left our old home I was sad to leave all these lovely people behind.

When we moved into the new house, we didn't know any of the neighbors. It felt a little isolated at first. We moved in December, in cold weather, so no one was really in their gardens. No one greeted us when we moved into our home. But spring came and suddenly the boy next door appeared who wanted to play with our son. And from there a strong friendship was born. Over time, our new neighbors became better friends than anyone.

bottom line:Sometimes it's important to take your time when assessing a new situation. What doesn't seem great at first can sometimes turn out to be the best move you ever make.

5. Make changes

Making changes to your new home may be all you need to love it. Decorating, changing the layout and adding your personal touch can make all the difference. Big changes can involve additions, remodels, or exterior landscaping, but if you can't afford big changes right away (most people can't), make small changes to your place and save for bigger projects whenever you can.

Ideas to customize your home

Make your home YOUR home:

• Hang photos of your family.
• Buy a good mirror to reflect the room.
• intelligent
• Take care of the garden.
• Introduce new pads.

If you have rooms with limited space, use Google to search for "small space solutions". There are some very creative ideas for efficient living, no matter how big your home is.

It took a while to transform our new home, but each time we did something I enjoyed it more. After about a year, we managed to put in a hardwood floor downstairs and new carpet upstairs. It drastically changed the appearance of the house.

bottom line:Try anything to help you design your new homeYour.Put your own cozy stamp on it and it will feel like a completely different place. You don't have to do it all at once: every change you make can help you feel a little more positive. Know that a new home is an ongoing project.

If you still feel the same, should you move again?

If, after a reasonable amount of time, say a year or two, you still feel the same way, you can rest easy knowing that your home is not a prison and that you can move out at any time. Yes, change is an expensive hassle that most people would probably prefer to do without, but if you really aren't happy with what it is then you have the option to change it. Even if it's not an immediately viable option, you can stick with the idea.

Keep in mind that another new house might not solve everything.

Keep in mind, though, that selling and returning may not get you everything you want from a property. Unless you have a higher budget that allows you to be more demanding, chances are you'll be compromised. However, this all-important "good mood" is essential, and if your feelings do not subside over time, then it is worth considering.

No matter what you do, make the best of your circumstances and embrace your life; there's nothing worse than constantly wishing for greener grass without doing anything about it. And remember, the greener grass may be where you are right now, but you haven't realized it yet.

How do I feel now?

I hated our new house after we moved in. But over time all that changed. Ironically, I was devastated after a breakup meant I was in danger of having to move. that wasyouHome, my children's home. We had made memories. Now I am very happy that I bought it.

Even though there's still a lot to do and things I don't like (for example, the room is too small, the big renovations I can't afford), the house has become a home. It feels like I should be there.

What I love about my house now

I have come to love spring and summer, when the sun (if any!) shines on the garden for a significant part of the day; I also love the glorious sunsets that we can be blessed with at night. I love walking through the patio doors directly into the garden and watching my cats roll around in the sun and I love the light that shines through the stained glass window when I go back inside on winter nights. It looks really tempting.

I like listening to the Community Garden Club in the lots behind my house when they get together on Sundays. It makes me feel part of a community even though it doesn't have a garden! I love watching my own son play outside with the neighborhood kids. I like being within walking distance of the best amusement park in the area and the kids love it too. I transformed rooms and hallways from shabby to elegant simply by grabbing a can of paint and taking my time.

I definitely feel like "part of the street" now, whereas when we moved in I was nothing. My neighbors are my friends; These are the people I can turn to if I have a problem (like changing a light bulb in the bathroom that I can't access).

I don't miss the old house anymore

Perhaps most importantly, I don't want to go back to the little house we left behind, even though it still holds a sentimental place in my heart. I just remember how we used to bump into everything when we walked around the house because it was so small. We moved on, and while there are always "dream houses" (which I could never afford anyway), I prefer to be realistic.

A house is a blank canvas.

Each house is really just a blank space, a blank canvas that serves as a backdrop for our lives. It is a space where we can be creative, in a way an embodiment of ourselves. Sometimes when you want to move back but that's not an option, I think it's best to try to get your perspective to change the home you already have. Think like an artist and make it the best home for you and your family.

© 2019 Words by Leonor

Miloem 09.03.2020:

I left a house where I lived for 10 years. It was our first home and when we bought it we were very excited to turn it into our dream home. We spent ten whole years devoting all of our time to making it perfect and that was it. Except for one thing. It was a long drive to both jobs... averaging about 1.3 hours each way... my husband decided he couldn't make the commute any longer. The road was often closed due to accidents and the traffic really started to affect it. We had to pay $200,000 more than we owed for the original house... and we were buying in a market that had low inventory and high prices. We ended up buying a house that was "ok". I thought I could learn to love him, but I hate him. I've hated it from day one and all I can see are the negatives. I don't like our neighbors because they are very noisy. Now we live in the city and it is noisy and full of crime. We used to live in the country and it was so peaceful and beautiful. I don't think we could find a house that compared to our old house if we retired. Property prices really skyrocketed in our former community and we would end up with more debt than ever before... I'm sorry. It's eating me. I think about it all the time. I'm getting sick just thinking about having to be home. It's been a little over 2 years and I feel stuck. It's really wearing on my relationship and I'm so exhausted from the stress and sadness. I would like to learn to love this house. But in the back of my mind I really just want to go to my old house. I know I can't. But I really miss him.

Alabama31.08.2020:

I have another problem, we love our house. But we don't love the city. We moved to the neighboring city. Our old town had no viable options, so we went next door. Thinking about a better house is more important than the city. But this new city has nothing to offer us more than this beautiful home. We can go back to our old town, but we'll be stuck in a smaller, older house. We are really divided. 🇧🇷

emma sunshineon July 29, 2020:

I do not know what to do. We left a house we both loved because I had a stroke and the air inside was terrible. My husband says he hates our new house and it's my fault he didn't come with me to see it and trust me to pick a good one. He says he can't trust me anymore and I ruined his life and he doesn't have any friends here. He chose the state he wanted to move to. His children live there. I need to hear about this all the time. Things like this house are a piece of C&#$ and I hate this state and I hate it here. Any suggestion? I said sell it if you hate it so much and he said no one will buy this shit store.

Davion May 20, 2020:

I felt pressured by my wife to move into a condo. The upside is expected to be financial, lots of additional equity from selling the old house and moving to a cheaper condo. And there were better ones, even in this shared flat, but she insisted on having a caretaker on the first floor even though we were only in our fifties. The one with this feature is really basic and needs some cosmetic and minor fixes, something I wanted to avoid in a new location. The worst thing is the steep road, which scrapes the bottom of the car when reversing. I don't see a solution for this. Fuck and sorry!

faye r macleanon January 08, 2020:

flygirl1982 - My garage is impeccable, without garbage and we park our vehicles in front of our house and we live in one of the most prosperous neighborhoods in our city. That's the best thing about having your own house, you can park in or out of your driveway and no one can tell you what you can and can't do (assuming there isn't an agreement that says you must park in your driveway)! 🇧🇷

jake1057on November 16, 2019:

We just moved from an apartment to a house. The problem I've found is that we miss the city we moved from with not-so-great schools to a city that isn't as family-friendly or visually appealing, but has better schools. The neighborhood has a lot to offer and the house doesn't need much as it has been recently renovated. I guess I just have to take my time and look at all the positives and remember why we made the choice. Your article helped me a lot and I'm just going to "take a break".

flying girl 1982on October 30, 2019:

I know you may be advising therapy, but since my husband passed away, I've had to sell our home for a variety of reasons. I was looking for peace and a place that I didn't find after buying two houses. The house I'm in now is a cookie house in a typical housing development. I bought it for a good price. I managed to save some money, but I hate it! It's not me. The house creaks and knocks. It's cheaper to build than I thought. I hate the neighborhood. I saw the property twice before making an offer. I think everyone was working at that point. Now I see that people have so much garbage in their garages that they leave their vehicles outside along with their garbage cans. I don't want to sound like a brat, but I'm not used to this. I feel like I'm in a third world country. Anyway, this is the second home since I sold one that I was only able to keep for a year. I'm exhausted from moving and losing my best friend. Did someone move until you finally got it right?

Always the sameon March 13, 2019:

When we bought our house 4 years ago, he wasn't feeling well. We closed because my husband insisted. I was told the sensation would go away.

So I waited and waited and waited...

Four years later it's still the same: bad vibes, bad feelings. Even though I repainted and styled it my way, it still looks like it's in someone else's house. It doesn't look like mine.

The strange thing is that my husband feels the same way now. He says he doesn't feel at home. He says he feels like he's in someone else's house.

The house has bad "energy". I don't like being there. There's something about it. Something very wrong. It's almost like I feel the previous owners and their lives.

Maybe I'm right. We found out that the previous owner had a cheating spouse and then got divorced. One of her sons also became violent, was expelled from school and sent to a juvenile prison. So... there was a lot of pain and sadness in the house.

We put it up for sale. Let's hope the next owners like it more than we do...

Kriti1984on January 11, 2019:

Greline, Facebook, Pinterest, Youtube

Kriti1984on January 11, 2019:

good entry

www.GLaarchitects.com

beckyfrom Oklahoma on January 11, 2019:

It sounds like you've had a lot of internal conflict about your move, but luckily you've come to terms with the situation. Best wishes for your efforts.